Photo by Liana Mikah
March 16,2023
Some Thoughts for Thursday...
On this journey as a mom (and all the other hats I wear) I often turn to quotes and poems to focus my mindset, but today it was a song… “All I Know So Far” by P!NK. I have listened to it a million times - I love it, my daughter loves it, so now Pandora and Alexa and all of our dots love it, too :)
P!NK shared that “All I Know So Far” is a story of her life and a letter to her daughter. Her talent in getting to the raw emotion of this journey of life, the trials, the lessons, and the perseverance to keep going and then sharing those lessons with our children in hopes of them embracing and owning their life, being comfortable in their own skin, and knowing no matter what you have their back.
As a mom of a child with Dyslexia, and the challenges that seem unbearable at times, this song spoke to me today. You can watch the video here if you haven’t heard the song recently
"All I Know So Far" - P!NK (video). P!nk, thank you for using your voice and talents to put words to this journey of parenthood and life, the reality that it can be hard, but reminding us we can do hard and so can our kids!
P!NK and I may not share the same life story but we can relate to the lessons we have learned and the reality we are still learning. I think I saved my renegade role for a later chapter…the mom fighter, warrior, breaking through the trauma and the system I was led to believe supported our children. Harnessing my values, my purpose, and my voice and being real about my experience so that others feel heard, validated, and empowered as parents and learners.
P!NK’s video director, Dave Meyers, shared that, “In this video, I am trying to capture the full breadth of who she [P!NK] is, where she has been and the troubled youth that’s evolved into this idea of power of community. It is where we are in the world right now and displays the idea that we really need each other.”
So in the moment, this song had me reflecting on connections I have with my daughter, ("No singing," included). On this journey as a parent and more specifically as a parent of a child with Dyslexia that faces extra struggles due to the current state of our public education system. I also connected to the value of connection with other parents on similar journeys and how sharing our support, our shoulders, our ears, and sharing what has helped us along the way to support others and keep advocating for our children and all children.
So let’s dive into the pain and the first verse…
I wish someone would have told me that this life is ours to choose
No one's handing you the keys or a book with all the rules*
So when my daughter was diagnosed with a Specific Learning Disability in Reading (Dyslexia) after I had brought concerns to her school, I believed that I was in a ‘good’ school district that had the resources to meet her needs. I believed that with my years of experience as a school psychologist, that I understood the system and would be able to easily work through the special education process, get my daughter the support she needed, and as long as I stayed involved she would have appropriate services and make meaningful progress. The parents and experts that traveled this journey ahead gave support and warnings, they shared resources and they told me to be very careful. I brushed it off, I believed I knew the special education and public education systems well enough I did not have to be concerned. I believed our public schools do the best they can to support children and that I could trust the system to support my child, but understood that I had to play by their rules. I believed there were “rules,” and that the majority of schools and administrators in public education (especially school districts with sufficient staff and resources) followed these “rules.”
I was wrong, I was really wrong, and my daughter suffered because I didn’t believe in myself and I didn't know how far I would have to go to protect her education. I can "wish someone would have told me", but the reality is…they did and I didn’t listen….
The little that I know I'll tell to you*
As I worked through the challenges…challenges my daughter was facing, challenging my own beliefs, my own education, my own career, my students who have struggled with reading…I did a lot of learning, a lot of growing…and although I will always have more to learn…I have learned a lot when it comes to reading and dyslexia…I am in it with you and “what I know, I’ll tell to you.”
When they dress you up in lies and you're left naked with the truth*
I don’t want to believe that an educator or our public education system would “lie”…or would intentionally make decisions that would harm or cause trauma to our children or interfere with their learning and development. So I will give grace that the educators on my daughters team and those that work with so many children across the country are doing the best they can with the information they have. I understand how easily this can happen, because I sat on that side of the table for 15 years. I held many of the same beliefs, and I trusted our system. Unfortunately we were lied to, teachers are lied to, teachers in their training programs are lied to, and parents and children continue to be lied to...resulting in our children being left without the life skill of reading, left without their confidence and independence, left without the tools to reach their full potential.
While I sat with the truth and reality exposed, I was fortunate that I could find the tools, the resources, because I had experience, I had experts, I had colleagues, I had a working knowledge of “the system” and I knew how they played “the game”.
As I sat there....I had a choice to make…I could play the game by their rules and get my daughter what she needed and move on…. or......“Want to guess what I did?”
I threw my head back, and I spit in the wind
Let the walls crack, 'cause it lets the light in
Let 'em drag me through hell* (while I gave them grace to do the right thing, and protected my daughter from their game)
And repeated and repeated to my daughter,
They can't tell you to change who you are
That's all I know so far*
I had to separate the game and the system from my daughter. I had to build her up and let her know she is perfectly made just as she is and it is the system that is broken not her. Then I had to dig deep as a parent, as an educator, as an advocate for my child and all children. I refused to change who I was for the system, I wasn’t changing, but I needed to evaluate my belief in a system I had valued and trusted and built my career on for decades...that belief had to change, to grow, to align with who I am and who I stand for.
And when the storm's out, you run in the rain*
The storm came, I ran in the rain….examining the system, examining decisions, examining how we got here and where we needed to go.
Put your sword down, dive right into the pain*
This was the hardest, to put my sword down while my daughter was still struggling and hurting, seeing her pain. I protected her, kept her on safe shores and dove into the pain…for her and for all children struggling to learn to read. The strength that came when I dove into the pain unleashed a freedom and a clarity of where to go from here.
Stay unfiltered and loud, you'll be proud of that skin full of scars*
I had harnessed my voice, my confidence and found peace in sharing what I know and what we worked through to support others. I wasn’t embarrassed to show my scars anymore, I wasn’t afraid. I was able to share this with others, raise their voices, and move forward together with support and a focus on the light at the end of a tunnel that had grown dark.
That's all I know so far
That's all I know so far*
I knew I had to keep moving forward sharing, supporting, educating, and empowering parents and teachers…raising our voices for change and harnessing the passion behind the trauma.
But when the candy-coating hides the razor blade
You can cut yourself loose and use that rage*
This needs little explanation, watching your child struggle and having a school system repeatedly sugar coat the issues, fuels a level of rage that we need to harness in this moment to change literacy in our country. I am doing just that and strive to empower other parents and teachers to do the same in their communities.
I wish someone would have told me that this darkness comes and goes
People will pretend but baby girl, nobody knows*
We get all kinds of advice on this journey… what I have learned and accepted is that this is a marathon, the darkness and the struggle will come and go. I am not searching for a destination or happily ever after. I have realized that this will be a journey and we will always be moving forward ‘until the world blows up.*” Our goals will change, our approach in how we reach our goals will change, and if we are going to keep going we will need to be open to changing. There isn’t one way to do things. If we keep learning, growing , and loving we will keep moving forward. I am so excited for this journey and the amazing people I meet along the way.
And even I can't teach you how to fly
But I can show you how to live like your life is on the line*
As hopeful as this sounds, it hits hard at first until you catch your breath….As a parent with a child with unique needs, we feel helpless sometimes, not sure in our capabilities of teaching our children, of supporting them to reach their goals, enjoying the life of happiness we always planned for them. As a parent of a child with dyslexia and working with so many other families that share similar stories… the reality sets in that your child’s life is on the line (this is no exaggeration). When your elementary aged student says, “I just want it to all be over.” and you don’t have the strength to confirm the “it” they are talking about is their own life, the life you would give your’s for….this hits hard and leaves you with only one option….
You throw your head back, and you spit in the wind
Let the walls crack, 'cause it lets the light in
Let 'em drag you through hell
They can't tell you to change who you are
That's all I know so far
And when the storm's out, you run in the rain
Put your sword down, dive right into the pain
Stay unfiltered and loud, you'll be proud of that skin full of scars
That's all I know so far...
I will be with you 'til the world blows up, yes
Up, and down, and through 'til the world blows up*
And we keep going, we keep getting back up, stronger, louder, helping those that have fallen around us, we keep going, we keep learning, and we keep loving….that’s all I know so far*.
Written by Meghann Bierly, mom of a child with dyslexia, parent and educational consultant, literacy advocate, Founder and CEO of Keel Services.
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*Lyrics from P!NK , “All I Know So Far.” with an inspirational twist from a fellow mom and daughter on a journey of life and using our voices to support children with Dyslexia and everyone learning to read!
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